I was going to wait
till after they said their vows in front of the judge
give them a four-leaf clover I found.
I was going to say something like
This is for good luck
with everything
It took me a long time to find this
So don’t fucking lose it
little brother.
But I didn’t.
I used to beat him up when we were younger
I was much stronger than him.
It used to be no problem to win.
I used to just have to raise my voice and point my finger or stomp my foot.
I used to watch him do all of these tricks on his bmx.
watch his head snap back and look at me as soon as he’d land
I used to be asked for approval.
I used to say things like
That was ok
Eh, that was kind of sketchy
You got pretty close on that one
Good, but you can do better
He’s tough.
He could beat the shit out of you.
A few years ago we almost fought in our parents garage.
We were much older than before.
I remember thinking he could beat me
hoped his memories would hold steady
He backed down and said
I don’t want to fight you.
You’re my brother.
That was really nice,
I do that a lot
Rely on old memories people have of me.
When I was stronger.
When I was romantic.
When I was a baby.
But anyway
This is for my brother.
I want to say
Congratulations
Merry Christmas
Happy Birthday
Happy Anniversary
I still have that clover
If you want it
come and get it
I miss you.
