I was going to wait
till after they said their vows in front of the judge
give them a four-leaf clover I found.
I was going to say something like
This is for good luck
with everything
It took me a long time to find this
So don’t fucking lose it
little brother.
But I didn’t.
I used to beat him up when we were younger
I was much stronger than him.
It used to be no problem to win.
I used to just have to raise my voice and point my finger or stomp my foot.
I used to watch him do all of these tricks on his bmx.
watch his head snap back and look at me as soon as he’d land
I used to be asked for approval.
I used to say things like
That was ok
Eh, that was kind of sketchy
You got pretty close on that one
Good, but you can do better
He’s tough.
He could beat the shit out of you.
A few years ago we almost fought in our parents garage.
We were much older than before.
I remember thinking he could beat me
hoped his memories would hold steady
He backed down and said
I don’t want to fight you.
You’re my brother.
That was really nice,
I do that a lot
Rely on old memories people have of me.
When I was stronger.
When I was romantic.
When I was a baby.
But anyway
This is for my brother.
I want to say
Congratulations
Merry Christmas
Happy Birthday
Happy Anniversary
I still have that clover
If you want it
come and get it
I miss you.
sitting tonight
ReplyDeleteat this
table
by the
window
the woman is
glooming
in the
bedroom
these are her
especially bad
days.
well, i have
mine
so
in deference
to her
the typewriter
is
still.
it's odd,
printing this stuff
by
hand
reminds me of
days
past
when things were
mot
going well
in another
fashion.
now
the cat comes to
see
me
he flops
under the table
between my
feet
we are both
melting
in the same
fire.
and, dear
cat, we're still
working with the
poem
and some have
noted
that there's some
"slippage"
here.
well, at age
65, i can
"slip"
plenty, yet still
run rings
around
those pamby
critics.
Li Po knew
what to do:
drink another
bottle and
face
the consequences.
i turn to my
right, see this huge
head (reflected in the
window) sucking at
a cigarette
and
we grin at
each
other.
then
i turn
back
sit here
and
print more words upon this
paper
there is never
a final
grand
statement
and that's the
fix
and the trick
that works
against
us
but
i wish you could see
my
cat
he has a
splash
of white on his
face
against an
orange-yellow
background
and then
as i look up
and into the
kitchen
i see a bright
portion
under the overhead
light
that shades into
darkness
and then into darker
darkness and
i can't see
beyond
that.